I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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