Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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