Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
