The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize