can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize