If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize