Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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