yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
