i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.