how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.