apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.