Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed