Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.