her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.