oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.