I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone