Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize