I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
