i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How's work?
Spinning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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