Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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