He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."