so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.