This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this