My hand turned me down
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.