I'll bet she douches with gravy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
