Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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