I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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