I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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