i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.