Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?