the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.