At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
