Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
