Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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