Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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