We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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