OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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