i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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