i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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