Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize