You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children