He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak