ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist