she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.