I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win