I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
