You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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