3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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