I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
