you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
