Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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