she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
