haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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