Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
