i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
