I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
and you fell through a lawn chair
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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