Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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