I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize