Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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