Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
