nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize