census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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