just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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