So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
