oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
