why didn't you poke me back
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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