Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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