Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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