Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
